Learn to Say "No" Without Explaining Yourself

February 1. 2023

No! No! No! How did it feel to say “no” and not having the urge to explain why you’re saying no. Now for many of you reading this post, you probably don’t have a problem with this response, but there are countless others who not only find this difficult to do, but they feel compelled to say “yes” when there heartfelt answer is “no.” Take a few moments to reflect on a previous instance when you were asked to do something you really didn’t want to do, and you labored in thought trying to come up with a convincing reason to add to the not so favorable response. What explanations are you giving? Do you say, “I‘m planning to wash my hair,” “I’m scheduled to work late that day,” or “I must help my kids with their homework.” You probably don’t use these exact responses, but the fact that you feel the need to give an explanation is unfair to you and the person(s) asking. It’s unfair because now you feel the need to [maybe] stretch the truth a little, and in order to maintain your character and integrity it’s important for you to be honest with the other person. As difficult as saying “no” may seem, if you say it enough, you’ll find it to be a very liberating experience.

So the next time you’re asked to do something you‘re obviously not inclined to do, here are three simple suggestions:

1. If it’s something you would honestly consider, just ask the person to allow you some time to think about it and you’ll get back to them in a reasonable time.

2. Say “no” if you’re confident you don’t want to do it. You’re response can be something like this, “I’m going to pass on it for now, but thanks for asking,” or “I appreciate you thinking about me, but I’m not really up to it.” Honesty is appreciated no matter how difficult it is to hear at times.

3. Maybe you actually do want to say “yes,” and you feel good about your response.

The lesson is all of this is to be true to yourself which ultimately results in you being true to those you honor, respect and care about.

Suzan’ Stroud

Author & Motivational Speaker

2017 TEDx Speaker “The Gift of No”